Nuffnang

Sunday, February 9

20th




I feel like so much has happened since my birthday. Both in my life and in my head. I think mostly in my head. I've never felt so high and happy, neither have I felt soooo depressed with self-loathe in my short little life of twenty fucking years. God I feel like I am going through my angsty teenage phase now.. right after I am no longer a teenager LOL. 

When we're young we always have expectations for ourselves, like how we aspire to be a certain kind of person. At the same time we also look at certain bad habits of others and judge, telling ourselves that we'll never go down that path. But when I catch myself being the very person that I never wanted to be... it's just... sigh... 

I have this crazy habit of writing in my personal journal almost daily since I was... 4? 5? It's just a habit I always had so I can keep track of how stupid I was and whether I am progressing any further from stupidity, but for a good few months I've never updated my journal. Because I don't like to record unhappy memories down, so when I read my old entries I only get happy reminders. I wonder when will I be able to pick up my journal and start updating it again.

This space is getting boring, I know. It seems like the older we get, the more we keep to ourselves, because there's so much to judge. I've became so reluctant to share about myself, dodging personal topics like crazy whenever it comes up in conversations. Random rant ends right here.