Tuesday, April 14

A phase

"It's not going to be an easy phase for you" a friend told me last night. "So be prepared because it is going to be worse than you think"

Within 12 hours from our conversation, I already lost it multiple times. Literally every aspect of my life decided to fuck me up at the same time. Am I overreacting? No I don't fucking think so. A human being's basic fucking need is to have food and shelter, and I am losing my apartment in 2 weeks without a Plan B. If I just get a ticket and flay off, where do I dump my furniture? How about classes? Will I still graduate? 

And when it comes to my job..... oh my god my boss is literally the biggest scumbag in human history. Holy motherfucker. Businessmen and their pay cut urgghhhh fucker.

To be able to do what you want while being paid what you want is literally the most challenging thing I've tried in my life. I want to learn while I work and earn good money at the same time. Does that sound way too idealistic to you? Well I am still going to go on with that mindset, but reality really slaps you in the face when you have to pay rent and buy groceries sigh.

That being said, this is just a phase. And after this phase I'll be more badass than before.

Thursday, April 9


It's midnight. I just got home not too long ago and couldn't be fucked to cook anything but instant noodles for dinner. My life is currently a rotation between class, job1, job2, project1, project2, sleep... 

I'm not even hardworking, I'm motherfucking hardworking. I thought I was being productive and using my time wisely but now I just think I'm a cranky stressed out malfunctioned robot. It all dawned on me when my graduation project literally went MISSING. One fucking month before the deadline, great. After I found the culprit, I was yelling in public at a stranger with passerbys staring and commenting on my loony behavior. That was when I realized I really lost it. I mean yeah the culprit is truly a fucking asshole that deserves to rot in hell, but I shouldn't have behaved in such an uncultured manner when dealing with the situation. I mean I can barely speak in a loud voice in normal circumstances and now here I am shouting and screaming. To top it all off, it was in public, in campus! Sigh.

I was really angered by the graduation project fiasco because school seemed like the only aspect of my life that wasn't giving me any problems (lol I swear my classmates were gaping at me when I said this to explain my behavior). I've been spreading myself way too thin, taking on my usual part-time job and now another crazy ass designer job. And to my horror/honor, I've received a project with Givenchy as my client. Talk about pressure... ... Initially I was just thinking of trying out this whole fashion industry thing for fun since almost everyone won't survive well in it anyway lol and now I'm in seriously deep shit... or maybe I struck lottery, I'm not sure. All I know is that I have insane deadlines lining up tightly against one another.

To add on to my stress level, my apartment lease ends 2 weeks before classes are over for summer break so it means I am going to be a hobo. For real. I shit you not. I went for a few apartment viewings but they all fell through. And these days I work from like 10am to 11pm so I can't be fucked to go for viewings either. If I become homeless I have no idea how am I going to attend class and go for work fuck fuck fuck fuck x10000

I come home feeling all drained every night, only to force myself to work on my personal projects. And when I'm done working on all those nonsense I have to get down to housework..... You'd think I'll be dead tired and able to fall asleep within 5 seconds when I lie on my bed but no I am so fucked in the brain with checklists and upcoming schedules that I have to roll in agony for another hour or so before I fall asleep lol........................

Anyway besides all the negative rantings, it has been one of my goals to be financially independent by year 2015. And I do mean in every aspect, school fees/ rent/ cost of living etc. School fees is really the ultimate bitch but because honestly I'm such a damn good girl, I landed myself with 2 scholarships! Woohoo money!!!$$$$!!! And my jobs are paying decent money too so all is good as long as I don't move into somewhere expensive anytime soon. 

I can't wait for my graduation in May then I will gladly fuck off for a while from Hong Kong to somewhere and just party party party x100000000 before coming back to my scary but rewarding reality. That being said, I probably won't be able to party in peace cos my brain will have constant reminders of how I'M WASTING TIME AND MONEY !!!!1!111 Argh I'm so competitive. I hate to see people working when I'm partying or resting, it just pisses me off so bad lol.

Ermygawd please grant me a shut off button for my damaged brain.